Re: DRAFTS: Remarks for Saturday

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looked at the NV remarks before taking off for Vegas. Like it a lot. Few suggestions: In the "need more fairness, need more growth" sentence would build to "need more JOBS" as last clause of the sentence. In the section about everyone doing their part. Would tell millenials that we are going to need their contributions/talent/ingenuity/creativity instead of telling them they have to do their part. Think that will be received as a rebuke of them - like they have been loading around. Taking off now - will look at Texas on the flight. Really like This! Sent from my iPhone On Feb 19, 2016, at 7:35 PM, Dan Schwerin <[email protected]> wrote: Attached are drafts for caucus day remarks in Vegas and the rally in Houston. For Nevada, this draft further refines the breaking barriers message, with a new emphasis on more "we" and less "I." There is not much contrast here, although "single issue" is still in. For Texas, there is an additional contrast section that folks should take a good look at. It's mostly "the math doesn't add up," with a little "and the middle class are going to get hurt," thrown in. In both, we start and finish with hillaryclinton.com. Thanks Dan <2016-02-19 NV Caucus Remarks - 8pm.docx> <2016-02-19 Houston Rally Remarks - 8pm.docx> Delivered-To: [email protected] Received: by 10.25.88.78 with SMTP id m75csp143047lfb; Fri, 19 Feb 2016 18:17:57 -0800 (PST) X-Received: by 10.112.50.6 with SMTP id y6mr6583566lbn.15.1455934677742; Fri, 19 Feb 2016 18:17:57 -0800 (PST) Return-Path: <speechdrafts+bncBCZIR3NHW4GBBVMZT63AKGQE6DVNPEI@hillaryclinton.com> Received: from mail-lf0-x247.google.com (mail-lf0-x247.google.com. [2a00:1450:4010:c07::247]) by mx.google.com with ESMTPS id ud1si6531lbb.6.2016.02.19.18.17.57 for <[email protected]> (version=TLS1_2 cipher=ECDHE-RSA-AES128-GCM-SHA256 bits=128/128); Fri, 19 Feb 2016 18:17:57 -0800 (PST) Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of speechdrafts+bncBCZIR3NHW4GBBVMZT63AKGQE6DVNPEI@hillaryclinton.com designates 2a00:1450:4010:c07::247 as permitted sender) client-ip=2a00:1450:4010:c07::247; Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of speechdrafts+bncBCZIR3NHW4GBBVMZT63AKGQE6DVNPEI@hillaryclinton.com designates 2a00:1450:4010:c07::247 as permitted sender) smtp.mailfrom=speechdrafts+bncBCZIR3NHW4GBBVMZT63AKGQE6DVNPEI@hillaryclinton.com; dkim=pass [email protected]; dmarc=pass (p=NONE dis=NONE) header.from=hillaryclinton.com Received: by mail-lf0-x247.google.com with SMTP id j99sf2424754lfi.1 for <[email protected]>; Fri, 19 Feb 2016 18:17:57 -0800 (PST) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=hillaryclinton.com; s=google; h=sender:from:mime-version:references:in-reply-to:date:message-id :subject:to:cc:content-type:x-original-sender :x-original-authentication-results:precedence:mailing-list:list-id :x-spam-checked-in-group:list-post:list-help:list-archive :list-unsubscribe; bh=PMRxbBdmB1hvLKOXNi8+EIXzrpepkU4btzkmjC2cETI=; b=bihIXUy/PIE7Ax58Vi0+Z1DANkcFa3cnq6kGN/camo9L/yCEuoMIl9WxdLIfNWd7Us l9YWF+M6FZNkLT1JanPtoYNqj+RZpqfXoaw8qNUN8nDciFQnFLJ/ws7Fx+J9JU0vZe9Q dEhYccSgzdf6bUt36F3o+wSNE1c9dhPp19TE0= X-Google-DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=1e100.net; s=20130820; h=sender:x-gm-message-state:from:mime-version:references:in-reply-to :date:message-id:subject:to:cc:content-type:x-original-sender :x-original-authentication-results:precedence:mailing-list:list-id :x-spam-checked-in-group:list-post:list-help:list-archive :list-unsubscribe; bh=PMRxbBdmB1hvLKOXNi8+EIXzrpepkU4btzkmjC2cETI=; b=hvI6mFIy2xKaPxxwimUJrD/57cefkcTFvytn8mMKdBr8E4P8U+SJPsLqMF0bweU1Ae HitMXRyg9SYvALPPTheoF3urQwHJ3XLITsKCDcwq+RbUo830W1rtbifoc44W07WqDoqe aITIp8QIjL6DXDjHA0UjtdvOIerZKMOys0FWibSkn4rxX3cnU/TSqDU9gCOab80w4mJ3 mx5TC1kZegl4aiR7f838zL6pVbjuOQNHgfczh58kjrchZ4/PdxPV8F9bZKnGt9E/Xi1u tg0W2fz3TWaLIVN1MzzkavwkyyOlWPfeOYBTcMmIpaw0ZZyvJOPs08i4MX0p4T205ZTG vkoA== Sender: [email protected] X-Gm-Message-State: AG10YOTuhhQesWdQx+zAL4K3/CHgl/mplAPyPJ4zo9CDSXz4fyiA/CMpYeHwkLXoNXCuOgz/ X-Received: by 10.112.168.201 with SMTP id zy9mr2241224lbb.23.1455934677521; Fri, 19 Feb 2016 18:17:57 -0800 (PST) X-BeenThere: [email protected] Received: by 10.28.88.76 with SMTP id m73ls46459wmb.53.canary; Fri, 19 Feb 2016 18:17:57 -0800 (PST) X-Received: by 10.194.174.73 with SMTP id bq9mr15945647wjc.145.1455934677154; Fri, 19 Feb 2016 18:17:57 -0800 (PST) Received: from mail-wm0-x22a.google.com (mail-wm0-x22a.google.com. [2a00:1450:400c:c09::22a]) by mx.google.com with ESMTPS id g67si16768558wmi.14.2016.02.19.18.17.57 for <[email protected]> (version=TLS1_2 cipher=ECDHE-RSA-AES128-GCM-SHA256 bits=128/128); Fri, 19 Feb 2016 18:17:57 -0800 (PST) Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of [email protected] designates 2a00:1450:400c:c09::22a as permitted sender) client-ip=2a00:1450:400c:c09::22a; Received: by mail-wm0-x22a.google.com with SMTP id g62so90927213wme.0 for <[email protected]>; Fri, 19 Feb 2016 18:17:57 -0800 (PST) X-Received: by 10.28.144.10 with SMTP id s10mr187240wmd.97.1455934676984; Fri, 19 Feb 2016 18:17:56 -0800 (PST) From: Jennifer Palmieri <[email protected]> Mime-Version: 1.0 (1.0) References: <CAAEwKfyNcPKJ8hbuTH23O8wiTS5xCsvVud7xmed0ZYM-514+4g@mail.gmail.com> In-Reply-To: <CAAEwKfyNcPKJ8hbuTH23O8wiTS5xCsvVud7xmed0ZYM-514+4g@mail.gmail.com> Date: Fri, 19 Feb 2016 20:17:55 -0600 Message-ID: <-4093239683421378466@unknownmsgid> Subject: Re: DRAFTS: Remarks for Saturday To: Dan Schwerin <[email protected]> CC: Speech Drafts <[email protected]>, Emmy Ruiz <[email protected]>, Tim Hogan <[email protected]>, Edward Meier <[email protected]> Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary=001a1145b2d03cf30e052c2a3538 X-Original-Sender: [email protected] X-Original-Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of [email protected] designates 2a00:1450:400c:c09::22a as permitted sender) [email protected]; dkim=pass [email protected]; dmarc=pass (p=NONE dis=NONE) header.from=hillaryclinton.com Precedence: list Mailing-list: list [email protected]; contact [email protected] List-ID: <speechdrafts.hillaryclinton.com> X-Spam-Checked-In-Group: [email protected] X-Google-Group-Id: 112021531214 List-Post: <https://groups.google.com/a/hillaryclinton.com/group/speechdrafts/post>, <mailto:[email protected]> List-Help: <https://support.google.com/a/hillaryclinton.com/bin/topic.py?topic=25838>, <mailto:[email protected]> List-Archive: <https://groups.google.com/a/hillaryclinton.com/group/speechdrafts/> List-Unsubscribe: <mailto:[email protected]>, <https://groups.google.com/a/hillaryclinton.com/group/speechdrafts/subscribe> --001a1145b2d03cf30e052c2a3538 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8 Just looked at the NV remarks before taking off for Vegas. Like it a lot. Few suggestions: In the "need more fairness, need more growth" sentence would build to "need more JOBS" as last clause of the sentence. In the section about everyone doing their part. Would tell millenials that we are going to need their contributions/talent/ingenuity/creativity instead of telling them they have to do their part. Think that will be received as a rebuke of them - like they have been loading around. Taking off now - will look at Texas on the flight. Really like This! Sent from my iPhone On Feb 19, 2016, at 7:35 PM, Dan Schwerin <[email protected]> wrote: Attached are drafts for caucus day remarks in Vegas and the rally in Houston. For Nevada, this draft further refines the breaking barriers message, with a new emphasis on more "we" and less "I." There is not much contrast here, although "single issue" is still in. For Texas, there is an additional contrast section that folks should take a good look at. It's mostly "the math doesn't add up," with a little "and the middle class are going to get hurt," thrown in. In both, we start and finish with hillaryclinton.com. Thanks Dan <2016-02-19 NV Caucus Remarks - 8pm.docx> <2016-02-19 Houston Rally Remarks - 8pm.docx> --001a1145b2d03cf30e052c2a3538 Content-Type: text/html; charset=UTF-8 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable <html><head><meta http-equiv=3D"content-type" content=3D"text/html; charset= =3Dutf-8"></head><body dir=3D"auto"><div>Just looked at the NV remarks befo= re taking off for Vegas.=C2=A0 Like it a lot.=C2=A0 Few suggestions:=C2=A0<= /div><div id=3D"AppleMailSignature"><br></div><div id=3D"AppleMailSignature= ">In the "need more fairness, need more growth" sentence would bu= ild to "need more JOBS" as last clause of the sentence.=C2=A0</di= v><div id=3D"AppleMailSignature"><br></div><div id=3D"AppleMailSignature">I= n the section about everyone doing their part.=C2=A0 Would tell millenials = that we are going to need their contributions/talent/ingenuity/creativity i= nstead of telling them they have to do their part.=C2=A0 Think that will be= received as a rebuke of them - like they have been loading around. =C2=A0<= /div><div id=3D"AppleMailSignature"><br></div><div id=3D"AppleMailSignature= ">Taking off now - will look at Texas on the flight.</div><div id=3D"AppleM= ailSignature"><br></div><div id=3D"AppleMailSignature">Really like This!=C2= =A0<br><br>Sent from my iPhone</div><div><br>On Feb 19, 2016, at 7:35 PM, D= an Schwerin <<a href=3D"mailto:[email protected]">dschwerin@h= illaryclinton.com</a>> wrote:<br><br></div><blockquote type=3D"cite"><di= v><div dir=3D"ltr">Attached are drafts for caucus day remarks in Vegas and = the rally in Houston. =C2=A0<div><br></div><div>For Nevada, this draft furt= her refines the breaking barriers message, with a new emphasis on more &quo= t;we" and less "I." =C2=A0There is not much contrast here, a= lthough "single issue" is still in.=C2=A0</div><div><br></div><di= v>For Texas, there is an additional contrast section that folks should take= a good look at.=C2=A0 It's mostly "the math doesn't add up,&q= uot; with a little "and the middle class are going to get hurt," = thrown in.=C2=A0</div><div><br></div><div>In both, we start and finish with= <a href=3D"http://hillaryclinton.com">hillaryclinton.com</a>. =C2=A0</div>= <div><br></div><div>Thanks</div><div>Dan</div></div> </div></blockquote><blockquote type=3D"cite"><div><2016-02-19 NV Caucus = Remarks - 8pm.docx></div></blockquote><blockquote type=3D"cite"><div><= ;2016-02-19 Houston Rally Remarks - 8pm.docx></div></blockquote></body><= /html> --001a1145b2d03cf30e052c2a3538--