Request No. 1 2_text.pdf

THE FIRST FIFTY YEARS HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_000001  CONTENTS PROLOGUE Ghislaine Maxwell FAMILY Paula Seymour BROOKLYN Warren Eisenstein Neutral Terry Kafka Michael Buchholtz Dr Stephen Levy GIRLFRIENDS CHILDREN FRIENDS Ron Altbach ae- a Bill Clinton Alan Dershowitz Bill Elkus HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_000002  Bran Ferren Henry Jarecki Nick Leese Peter Mandelson George Mitchel Nathan Myhrvold Joel Pashcow Jo Pagano Alberto Pinto Stuart Pivar Donald Trump sley Wexner Mort Zuckerman Unknown SCIENCE Gerry Edelman Murray Gellman Steve Kosslyn Martin Nowak Lee Smolin GIRL- FRIENDS SPECIAL ASSISTANTS BUISNESS Ace Greenberg HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_000003  Jimmy Cayne Ted Serure Elliot Wolk Ira Zicherman THE NEXT 50 YEARS HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_000004 HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_000005  Gretitivate af Wirth : Thh-£3-402078 | e 2 ning? 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AQOVING “Lok ee HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_000031 HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_000032 HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_000033 ROOKLYN HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_000034 HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_000035  HOW I REMEMBER JFIPREY Z JEFFREY WAS BORW AVERAGE IN ST E EYES A DAZELING SMILG , LAUGHING BLU IUMATICIAN Tae BIND OF A TRULY GREAT MAT CRIPETON 70 we) BE TS SOMBONS BEYOND ALL DES MY CONIRERUTIOY, a SIMPLELITTOL TLE BOY FOR SUCH AN OUTSTANDING OF NOTS, SCREWS & BOLTS BeAte MBLED THE THOUNSAND OUNDING RESULTS : AW EMPIRE WITH AST FORGET THE MEMORY TL SHALL NEVER CTOR SHT. TP ALL STARTED WITH AN ERE LOVE YOU FOREVER FRAN HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_000036  2 CENTS NQUAGENARY EDITION No GUARANTEES ABSOLUTELY NO CIRCULATION THE SEA GATE CHRONICLE threatened to withhold his Accordion treasured Nathan’s lobster salad, if he refused to perform Torture perfectly. He performed once again, and was treated to a one- pound container of his favorite By Robert Wolfe delicacy. Sea Gate Gazette A Sea Gate boy was forced by his mother to play “Flight of the Bumble bee” and “Saber Dance” on his squeeze box, 100 times a day for 5 years. By the time the lad became proficient, he was Seafood Diet?? able to play the tunes 100 times in 10 minutes. Firemen from the By Bubbles Axelrod 318 Hook and Ladder Division Coney Island Gourmet were always called in for his daily recital, in order to douse the Coney Island Health officials flames if the boy’s fingers caught reported today, that a boy fire from his dervish-like survived the first 13 years of his playing. life eating only Nathan’s Lobster ‘Months later, the musical Salad and drinking Sunny Boy jad’s mom, again forced the boy Orange drinks. His mother against his will, to perforin the (cont’d pg. 2, column 1) two pieces at Carnegie Hall in front of thousands attending. She el HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_000037  throwing a fit and clamming, as specifically went to the beach to it scared the schoo! of whitefish buy the Sunny Boys complete off. All beaches are flying a with conical wax coated Coney Island Whitefish warning containers and the metal ring at flag for the remainder of the the mouth. She claimed the swimming season. metal ring gave her son bigger ips for playing saxophone and bassoon, and the lobster salad, she believed would make her son agenius, The mother was committed to an insane asylum in Florida, and the boy believes he has 2 jets, an island, a ranch, Nickel Artist mansions and a sexy English socialite girlfriend. Arrested After the boy was taken into custody by officials and fed lox, By Lillian Fisher Handicap Times Magazine bagels and cream cheese, the hallucinations disappeared. He was given a ¥%4 length black leather coat and returned to his Coney Island’s Melvin daily activities of providing free Fromholder was best known as ice cream and candy to his “Mad Mel” the nickel carver. friends (courtesy of Jack’s Mel had the uncanny ability to Firestone funcheonette). cut everything offabuffalo cee nickel, leaving only the buffalo and the “ring” surrounding it. Customers would travel from all 5 boroughs and wait months to buy one of the hard-to-get coins. A local wisecracker named ‘Larry-John Streitman, tried to pump Mel for information on Beach Attack how to mass-produce these coins. Fromholder was insulted and became enraged. Mad Mel lived By Lawrence Dyck up to his name when he stabbed er Sea Gate Observ Streitman in the “Stomach and the Leg” 10 times. Ironically, Streitman was wearing a cheap Lloyd Bridges “Human Fish”, copy of Mel’s original “No a water monger, and a local t- Hassle Band” on his wrist when shirt clad Hippo were attacked by he was attacked. “Ifit wasn’t for a school of deadly Coney Island the “No Hassle Band”, said Whitefish. The attack occurred Streitman, “1 woulda been last Saturday just off the Sea dead”. Gate Cabanas at Beach One. The Fromholder is doing hard enraged Hippo then clammed time, and can’t fill customer’s indiscriminately, and repeatedly orders for the nickels because on the chests and faces of the officials refused to let Mel have other victims. The “Human his tools, You'd better get in Fish”, and the water monger also linc; Mad Mel’s in for 5 years reported a curious yellow warmth and he’s got 5125 orders for the in the seawater when they came prized buffalo nickels. close to the Hippo. The swimmers thanked the Hippo for HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_000038  | | Upon release, the elder Europe om brother commented, “screw it, next time we'll take it to the a Budget grease monkey”, By Yehudah Leibig Sons of Israel Travel Guide ‘Two Sea Gate teens claim to have started out with $500 each, and managed to travel Europe for 2 months. The boys hitch-hiked, Hunchback wandered and adventured through Europe while their stupid Dies friend served hamburgers and french fries at Nathan’s, The two returned with long hair, suntans By Not so Lucky Luckfeid and 2 brand new Triumph Tiger Firecracker Chronicle 500 Motorcycles, they even had change to boot. One of the two Robert Avner, Coney Island’s actually lost 40 pounds, because only fiving hunchback died last ‘of the serious lobster shortage in Europe. week of an infected hunch. Observers witnessed Avner el screaming at his friends for help with his itching back. “Scratch like a bitch, scratch like a bitch” he pleaded, but it was too late; no one would scratch the infected hunch. Avner died of whiplash Dirt Brothers from repeatedly turning his head to far left and far right during his Arrested Jast minutes. By Richard Freed ‘Tutoring Are Us Magazine Teen Bitten Once again, the infamous Dirt Brothers” were seen on Sea Gate Avenue illegally dumping By Mrs, Shmolowitz drain oil from their “Lemon” ‘Woolworth Newsletter Camaro. Sgt. Gino “Gene” ‘Venezia arrested the two brothers. Judge Phil Russick A Sea Gate teenager (name found the Dirt Brothers guilty witbheld) was viciously bitten on and sentenced them to 48 hrs. the neck by crazed Steve confinement with Bobby Wolfe, Jankowitz, The bitten youth was Larry Dick, Dicky Friedman, found crying after witness Donnie Di rald and! “Count Hymie” recounted the Bullab, (cont'd. pg. 4, column 1) HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_000039  gruesome details. Sea Gate cops were unable to capture the foaming-mad Jankowitz, which resulted in the victim being forced to have 29 injections in the stomach. A Bite Alert has been announced and posted on the Sea Gate Chapel Bulletin Board. Dermatologis Fights Fire By Robert Ardigo Pizza Face Pages Pizza Man World renowned Pimple Goes Berserk! Expert Dr. Shin Ho Yep claims the secret to a great complexion is in his secret formula. By Yetta Parnes Hundreds of butter face teens Yenta Times flock to Dr. Yep’s office off Ocean Pkwy. in Brooklyn to obtain much needed help. The Pizza man Luigi Tortoni flew Dr. applies his “secret formula” into a fit of rage after employer to kid’s faces and within seconds Arthur Stern (owner of the famed their skin feels like a raging restaurants, “The Spot” and “The inferno. Some patients wail in Riviera Snack Bar”) told Luigi agony from the fiery concoction, that he would start using fake and if they scream loud enough, cheese in his pizza. Tortoni Yep says “just 10 more minutes”. exploded and held Stern at knife if they start to cry, Dr. Yep point until Sgt. Gino “Gene” proclaims “OK we put out fire Venezia of Sea Gate Police now”. He takes a tissue and puts S.W.A.T. team negotiated with 2 drops of water on it and barely the mad Italian. The straight- dabs at the blistering skin. jacketed Tortoni was promptly Chemical analysis of Yep’s shipped back to Italy, Sources “secret formula” found it to be report that Luigi Tortoni is now a nothing but a combination of famous spumoni scoop designer straight hydrochloric and sulfuric frequently seen on the prestigious acids. Vespa racing circuit. The results: a cranberry sauce mel sed appearance immediately after treatment, but after two weeks, all but one kinky haired Sea Gate boy , had a peaches and cream complexion. — HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_000040  2 Barely Graduate Fast ‘56 By Carl Ashby ‘Health Ed Joumal By Larry John Streitman Double A Fuel Magazine After making a mockery of phys-ed class for the majority of their senior Sea Gate’s Sgt. Gene Venezia year, Coach Gary Lasker pulled amazes the community with his two teens from gym class 6 weeks nitro methane burning “Stormin” before graduation and gave them 56 Plymouth. Custom painted in the bad news: they weren’t going an aqua blue funny car color, this to graduatel! Although the 2 boys eye catcher dazzles all on- had virtually straight A’s in Jookers. With it’s four-on-the- academics, they were total losers floor Hurst T-shifter, twin Holley when it came to gym. They 4 barrel carbs, a blue printed 454 pleaded with Mr. Lasker and asked Hemi, headers and extra leaf what they could do to make it up. springs, Sgt. Gene brags, After thinking about a just “whattayamean?,,, it gets up to punishment, he required the 50 on the Belt Pkwy. ....why students to double time in every these Sea Gate snot rags could aym class. They had to do twice only dream of owning a supercar the exercise, twice the running, as like this” well as lead the class in exercise until the end of the school year. Lasker also humiliated the boys in front of each and every class, but allowed them to graduate with a grade of one point over the Cap, Gown minimum passing grade of 65. And Wiiat?? By Stanley Komito Lafayette Legend, Yellow Laundry Mystery Solved Four rebellious Sea Gate boys, two of whom barely graduated, were caught wearing dungarees and By Beatrice K. Cooper Beatle Boots under their graduation ‘Read a Book~a-Day Club gowns. The graduation exercises took place at a famous movie theater in downtown Brooklyn. One of the cocky boys remarked An obese Sea Gate family started “Hey what are they gonna fail me to notice that their laundry now?” mysteriously started turning yellow every time they removed it from enter (cont’d pg. 6, column 1) HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_000041  Campaign “ award. Because of the clothes line. Mrs. Bulla claims the notoriety the student gave Keds, she uses Clorox bleach in every they offered him alifetime supply wash load, but the laundry of the sneakers, as long as those curiously turns yellow and has an were the only shoes he would ever ammonia smell after it dries, This wear in the future. The same offer happened for months until her son came from a local sweatshirt Gerald started doing some detective manufacturer, but they eventually work on his own. After 2 more went out of business after giving months of surveillance, Gerald the kid so many free sweatshirts: Bulla caught the culprit red (or He still wears them today, but has should I say yellow) handed. The his kid brother silk screen different Bulla’s downstairs neighbor’s son Jogos on them such as “POLICE”, had been repeatedly squirting the “ZORRO” and “SHMITKA” laundry with a squirt gun filled with an unknown yellow liquid. ‘The Bullas were forced to move away after more highjinks occurred. Teacher Almost Gets the Boot By Emil Suskind 5" Graders P.S. 188 News Clean up Sixth grade teacher Ed Goldsmith, was never known to be Coney a conventional thinker by his peers, but his students really enjoyed his non-conformism. With his dry wit By Nelly Bly and different way of looking at Graves End Books things, the students were always educated, as well as entertained. His colleagues never respected Mr. Stephen Levy whip-trained Goldsmith and probably resented his over-achieving class 5-3 until his odd approach. they mastered Easy Steps March On assembly day in April of and Aida, Only then would he 1964, Mr. Goldsmith, an allow them to be featured in the accomplished jazz pianist, played Prestigious Coney Island Clean Up the national anthem in a “jazzed- Campaign Parade. The long up” version, and sent the awaited Parade arrived, and the auditorium reeling into a near riot. fifth graders had to march in The teachers hated the rendition, sweltering 110 degree heat. Fifteen calling it a mockery and a disgrace, of the 45 kids suffered heat while the children clapped and exhaustion, and one saxophone snapped to the coolest version of player continued marching and the anthem they’d ever heard! playing until midnight. The Sea On the next day, Mr. Goldsmith Gate boy marched until his pinky was handed his walking papers by toe popped through the side of his the school administration, and signature blue Keds boat sneakers. made an announcement to his class, He was awarded the “Schmuck of that he was forced to leave. The the Coney Island Clean up {cont'd pg. 7, column 1) — HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_000042 students were dismayed, some to the point of crying. When they Math Teacher notified their parents of the administration's decision, students Is Hung!! along with their parents went on strike the following day. They demanded a reversal of the By Paul Medici decision, stating that the teacher ‘Math Team Newsletter was the one most influential persons contributing to the student’s creative thinking. After a Famed diminutive math teacher multi-hour standoff, the Joseph “Mighty Joe” Rothman, has administration backed down and been a fixture at Mark Twain JHS allowed Mr, Goldsmith to contime for over 35 years, Students have teaching until the end of the term. taunted the midget math man ever Ed Goldsmith stated that he would since he started teaching. Year not return to the school after that after year of being teased by the year. kids have caused the man to lash ‘The kids really loved that man, ‘out at new students before they ever had the chance to bother him. This year was different; when he failed two students due to personality conflicts, rather than poor grades, the students held a “lynching” right in the classroom. Peddie Pusher Mighty Joe was hung by his sport coat, on a coat hook, in the Throws Party students’ wardrobe. Both students were expelled from school and Mr. Rothman only had his pride hurt. By Scott Peart To this day, Mighty Joe still Mercedes Aficionado teaches math at age 112. Paula the peddle pusher, threw a birthday bash for her pride and joy Jeffery Edward last week at the posb, exclusive, Surf Lanes in Coney. She went hog wild and provided free shoes, 2 games, hot Hot rides in dogs, hamburgers and soda to about 15 of the boys friends. And who “the gate” do you think bowled high score? You guessed it. Later on, Paula admitted , “I only invited the most By Larry John Streitman Double A Fust Magazine talentless bowlers, just to make Jeffery look good”. It’s summertime in Sea Gate and car enthusiasts from around the world try their best to get into “the gate” for the most craved auto exposition in history. Some of the {cont’d Pg.8, column 1) HOUSE_OVERSIGHT_000043  gone. “To much peempoo; cannot fix”, the doctor, said. The crater- face teen now has to check his oil most treasured vehicles include: every 10 minutes, for fear of greasy Larry John Streitman’s Flamin’ 69 build-up. As punishment, his + AMC Javelin, Howie Dorf's friends were required to provide --“Listen-my-friend” 68 Plymouth him with a lifetime supply of Oxy ‘Barracuda, the Amazing “Dirt i0. ~ Brothers” Camaro (so many mixed "up parts, it has no year), Stoned Lloyd Kaplan’s Super Smoker 69 T-Bird, Harold Sokol’s 69 Dime- Pitch Karmann Ghia, Warren Bisenstein’s fully customized 62 Near Miss on ‘VW Bug with special hand applied ‘gold metal flake paint and flame Belt Pkwy. ‘pin striping, Mike Buchholtz’s ‘Neck Bracing 69 VW Squareback, By Officer Bits Terry the K's Black 58 Little Sea Gate Police Bulletin “Window VW Bug, 70 Rock-me “Baby Carriage” VW Convertible, Timmy the K’s Super Last Friday, 3 Sea Gate boys ~ Btock- runs-good-downhill “62 perpetrated a hoax on popular math ‘Chevy, and don’t forget world tutor Richard “Dicky” Freed. One famous Sgt. Gene’s Stormin’ 56 boy set the scam up by mentioning, Plymouth! that he needed math tutoring, knowing that Dicky would surely zero in on this “needy student”. Freed took the boy onto the Belt Play. in his navy blue 63 Chevy Belair. Once they reached the large gas tanks on the way to Sheepshead Bay, two other boys who were hiding behind the back seat popped up and scared the dickens out of Near Drowning Dicky. He temporarily lost control of the vehicle when both arms went off the steering wheel and up to the in Chocolate roof of the vehicle as he sbrieked in fear. The 3 boys laughed By Willy the Soda Jerk hysterically as Freed ‘s car Firestone Candy Papers careened through 3 lanes of traffic, almost flipping over the guard rail. Police reposted the incident to the boys’ parents. The punishment: 2 A brillo haited teenager was boys- no color TV for One week!! nearly drowned in Fox's U bet The 3" boy was deprived of his chocolate syrup when his four precious lobster salad for one week. friends held him down and poured Freed returned to normal tutoring 10 jars of the thick, rich, velvety after « week of shoe polishing and egg crea