EFTA02009484.pdf

To: jeevacation gmail.com[[email protected]]; Epstein[jeevacation&mail.com] From: Sent: Thur 7/28/2011 7:15:39 PM Subject: Fw: Employee Notice sad but funny Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile From: Stephen Springer Date: Thu, 28 Jul 201 1 14:00:12 -0500 To: Barry /din ( wrsonal Barbara Cissa JR I l< Subject: FW: him ogee Notice sad but funny Employee Notice: Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS(Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress. Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give their citizens. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle. Sincerely, The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.) PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off. End forwarded message The information contained in this email and any attachments is confidential and may be subject to copyright or other intellectual property protection. If you are not the intended recipient, you are not authorized to use or disclose this information, and we request that you notify us by reply mail or telephone and delete the original message from your mail system. EFTA_R1_00510346 EFTA02009484 —Forwarded Message Attachment— Employee Notice Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFTprogram (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREWprogram (System Covering Retired-Early Workers). EFTA_R1_00510347 EFTA02009485 A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS(Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress. Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give their citizens. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle. Sincerely, The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.) PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off. Employee Notice: Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS(Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress. Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they EFTA_R1_00510348 EFTA02009486  give their citizens. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle. Sincerely, The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.) PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off. --- End forwarded message — The information contained in this email and any attachments is confidential and may be subject to copyright or other intellectual property protection. If you are not the intended recipient, you are not authorized to use or disclose this information, and we request that you notify us by reply mail or telephone and delete the original message from your mail system. --Forwarded Message Attachment— Employee Notice Due to the current Financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers or 50 years or age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment• EFTA_R1_00510349 EFTA02009487 This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early) Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered For the SPAFTprogram (Special kelp AFter Forced Termination) Persons who have been RAPED and SkAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREWprogram (System Covering Retired-Early Workers)• A person may be RAPED once, SI-IAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate• Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS(Additional Income For Dependants & Spouse) or I-IERPES (HaIF Earnings For Retired Personnel Early Severance)• EFTA_R1_00510350 EFTA02009488 Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any Further by Congress• Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SPIT (Special Nigh Intensity Training) as possible• Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of SNIT they give their citizens• Should you Feel that you do not receive enough SNIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SNIT you can handle• Sincerely, The Committee For Economic Value of Individual lives (E.V.1.1.-.) PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the EFTA_R1_00510351 EFTA02009489  rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the bight at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off From: kab106@attnet To: krhclk©msn.com Subject: Fw: Employee Notice Date: Mon, 11 Jul 2011 08:54:01 -0700 — Original Message — From: [email protected] To: bbuffzcataaol.com • bioriyercycleCeyahoo.com • kab106Oatt.net ; FBrochunFrontierNet.Net ; dmullennwoh.rr.com ; sftailoirlPaol.com ; Sixbar(thhotmail.com - starlasnyder8eliye.com Sent: Friday, July 08, 2011 7:24 PM Subject: Fwd: Employee Notice ---Original Message— From: mike meister <meisterahawaiiantel.net> To: undisclosed-recipients:; EFTA_R1_00510352 EFTA02009490 Sent: Tue. Jun 28. 2011 9:24 pm Subject: Employee Notice Employee Notice Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFTprogram (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREWprogram (System Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS(Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress. Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give their citizens. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you EFTA_R1_00510353 EFTA02009491 can handle. Sincerely, The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.) PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off. EFTA_R1_00510354 EFTA02009492