podesta-emails
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smaller group here for more specific edits.
1) I would add a millenial reference to the graph below - something that
acknowledges their lack of opportunity "we see young people who grow up in
shadow of 9/11 and in wake of the great recession face a world where they
see no opportunity."
"We’re in this together because we look at our country and see so much that
isn’t working the way it should. We see grandparents forced to choose
between paying rent and buying medicine because a prescription drug company
jacks up prices 4,000 percent overnight. We see African-American families
denied mortgages at nearly three times the rate of white families. We see
small towns and rural communities hollowed out by lost jobs and lost
hopes."
2) in an effort to further limit "I" and make more communal: But please
know, you are heard, you are seen and I am never going to stop fighting for
you.
Instead of: I hear you, I see you, and I’m never going to stop fighting
for you.
3) Not sure we have a great pull-out sentence that fully captures the
message for the press to use and us to point to. Below are candidates I
see for such a message sentence, but think they could use some gussying up.
a) This is *your* campaign. It’s a campaign to break down every barrier
that holds you back. We’re going to build ladders of opportunity in their
place, so every American can go as far as your hard work can take you.
b) The truth is, we aren’t a single-issue country. We need more *fairness*
in our economy, but we also need more *growth*.
c) I’ve never believed in dividing America between “us” and “them.” We’re
all in this together. And we all have to do our part. (MAYBE START THIS
SENTENCE WITH SOMETHING ABOUT ALWAYS HAVING WANTED TO BREAK DOWN BARRIERS
TO OPPORTUNITY - TO GET FULL CONCEPT IN).
D) It’s going to take each one of us, working *together*, growing *together*…
looking out for one another and lifting each other up. Because there’s a
basic truth about this country: America can only live up to its potential
when each and every American has the chance to live up to our own potential
too.
i, Feb 19, 2016 at 9:17 PM, Jennifer Palmieri <[email protected]>
wrote:
> Just looked at the NV remarks before taking off for Vegas. Like it a
> lot. Few suggestions:
>
> In the "need more fairness, need more growth" sentence would build to
> "need more JOBS" as last clause of the sentence.
>
> In the section about everyone doing their part. Would tell millenials
> that we are going to need their contributions/talent/ingenuity/creativity
> instead of telling them they have to do their part. Think that will be
> received as a rebuke of them - like they have been loading around.
>
> Taking off now - will look at Texas on the flight.
>
> Really like This!
>
> Sent from my iPhone
>
> On Feb 19, 2016, at 7:35 PM, Dan Schwerin <[email protected]>
> wrote:
>
> Attached are drafts for caucus day remarks in Vegas and the rally in
> Houston.
>
> For Nevada, this draft further refines the breaking barriers message, with
> a new emphasis on more "we" and less "I." There is not much contrast here,
> although "single issue" is still in.
>
> For Texas, there is an additional contrast section that folks should take
> a good look at. It's mostly "the math doesn't add up," with a little "and
> the middle class are going to get hurt," thrown in.
>
> In both, we start and finish with hillaryclinton.com.
>
> Thanks
> Dan
>
> <2016-02-19 NV Caucus Remarks - 8pm.docx>
>
> <2016-02-19 Houston Rally Remarks - 8pm.docx>
>
>
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