EFTA00531170.pdf

From: I czl To: Subject: Re: My novel to Story-Chapter 1 Date: Tue, 31 Jan 2012 16:11:01 +0000 thanks chica.. I'm not certain I will be adding in much of KK's addition. I think the beginning is enough for one email. I don't want to attack him about the job stuff yet. On Jan 31, 2012, at 11:06AM, wrote: Hey hey, I just got a chance to read it. I like it. I think your part is great, it does not come across as aggressive or emotional. You sound genuinely concerned and friendly. Great. I also like KK's additions. My only suggestion would be to move this part: "You am an amazing person Story. You am bright, funny, clever, loving, giving, sincere. You am my best friend and I love you very much. You have helped me through some of the worst times of my life and have shared with me some of the best times ofmy life and for that f truly thank you. l want to be there to support you through anything you need." to the end - after the last red part of the email. I feel it is the most positive part and I like the ending with saying something nice about him. I am a fan of the shit sandwich concept ( positive- negative-positive) From: To: Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 10:30 PM Subject: Fwd: My novel to Story-Chapter 1 Hey hey.. can I get your input on the email I've been composing to send to story? I sent to IOC earlier, and her additions are in red.. not sure if I should add or not.. but pretty good I think. how do you think this all comes across? Begin forwarded message: From: Kathryn Kucka Subject: RE: My novel to Story-Chapter 1 Date: January 30, 2012 4:33:02 PM EST To: I< Hey! I filled in some below in RED - just some thoughts- def don't have to use but may help_I think what you have so far is really good- its not accusatory or belittling in anyway- really good! xoxo Original Message From: IIIII I (mailto: 1 Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 3:43 PM To: Kathryn Kucka Subject: My novel to Story-Chapter 1 I want to start off by saying that I truly do appreciate the email you sent me. I feel all of those things as well. I have not stopped loving you. There is no one else in my life. I have some concerns that I can't just ignore anymore. As you know, I'm not good at expressing myself, so I'm hoping by writing it out it will help. My first area of concern is your lack of trust in me. There has been more than one instance in the past where you have read my text messages and EFTA00531170 emails. You've addressed a few with me that you didn't like, the first being the text and emails from George. You didn't like the fact that I signed an email with "big kiss". This means nothing as I told you at the time. It's a very European way of ending a message with a friend. Our old French trainer, Magali, ended her message to me in the same way. You read her text and addressed me about it because you didn't like the "big kiss" part. (all the while she just confirmed that it's a standard European greeting) You shouldn't have been reading my text messages to begin with. This shows a total lack of trust and respect for me. It seemed like this was turning into a pattern. I don't know how many times you read my texts; you would only ask me about the ones you didn't like, like you only asked me about the one email you didn't like. Your lack of trust in me, made me not trust you. You read an email of mine you didn't like, tried to make me believe I had accidentally sent you the email so you could ask me about it, all the while, you had accessed my email, forwarded the email to yourself and added your email into the "to" line next to email to convince me of your story. You say you made up this story to catch me off guard; any way you would have brought up the email would have caught me off guard. I would never have thought you would be reading my emails. Then you say I just happened to be logged into my email on your computer, that's how you saw the email. I know I never used your computer to log into my email. I would have no reason to. I always have my own laptop, ipad, iphone, etc. Even by the off chance that I did use your computer, I know I would have logged myself out. I am very aware of these things. and on the off off chance that I was logged into my email on your computer, it would still require you to go through and read each and every one of my emails until you saw one you didn't like. I have no way of knowing how long you've been reading my emails, but I view that as a complete violation of my privacy and equate it to stealing. It's my own fault for not addressing this behavior sooner. It happened on more than one occasion that I know of, but I chose to ignore it until it got out of hand. I am also concerned about a few of your behaviors in the past, the most recent being over Thanksgiving and Christmas. You drove home drunk from your mom's party without saying goodbye to anyone, then accused me of leaving you. I chalked this incident up to you being upset about your friend and having too much to drink. But you were coherent enough to send me several text messages asking me what was going on, asking me where I was, and saying that I had left you, not the other way around. I have seen you drunk before, and I don't think just drinking too much explains this behavior. I didn't press the issue because I didn't want to upset you, but that was not the right thing to do. I should have addressed it further and tried to get a real explanation of what caused this behavior. It made me think back to the past instances when we were living together on Everglade. The first time you broke down at work and had to go to the doctor. I still don't know what caused that to this day. I know it was a crazy stressful time for all of us, but something must have triggered this particular instance. I don't know what. You refused to talk to anyone. It was a mystery. I saw a similar instance not too long after when we were playing cribbage with your dad. You got up in the middle of the game and just never came back. I went to check on you and you were in bed. You started to cry and told me you needed to tell me something, that you were an alcoholic. I was totally shocked by you saying that, because I'd seen your drinking habits and they didn't seem excessive or in any way similar to an alcoholic's. Again, I didn't press the issue after the fact because I didn't want to upset you and everything seemed OK again. I am sorry for not pushing the issue at the time. It was wrong of me not to get a real understanding of what was happening at the time. I still don't understand what happened or what caused you to say those things. Maybe it was a cry for help that I didn't act upon. For that I am truly sorry. I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to bring up. I am bringing it up now out of love. If anything were to happen to you or if you were to get hurt more than just a black eye, I would never forgive myself. You are an amazing person Story. You are bright, funny, clever, loving, giving, sincere. You are my best friend and I love you very much. You have helped me through some of the worst times of my life and have shared with me some of the EFTA00531171 best times of my life and for that I truly thank you. I want to be there to support you through anything you need. I know you are going through hard times now and I'm sorry I wasn't there to talk to when you needed me. I had no idea what was going on and I just needed some time to reflect upon things. I need time now to really think about my life and what direction I want it to go in. I'm not getting any younger and I don't feel I'm in a place that is right for me and I don't see my goals happening anytime in the near future. That scares me. I know you are thinking then that I need to reassess my job, that it is the reason I'm not happy in my life and it sucks all of my time and energy. I still have to be realistic about life. I still need to support myself. And for me, it's never been "just a job". It is basically my life. And instead of focusing on our future and going to school while you were home with your mom originally, you have put your needs ahead of "us." How do you expect me to become less reliant on a job when you are not doing anything to make it so that I don't have to be so reliant on it? It seems you want a lifestyle that you aren't willing to work hard to achieve, this worries me. You have amazing qualities, ones that I fell in love with but I have to be realistic and look at my future and I need to know that I can be taken care of- and that is not just in the financial sense. When I think about you with your sister and your mom- I see a man that I love and want to be with but then I look at the time spent drinking with friends, playing around instead of getting a job - ANY job- and avoiding getting serious about growing up. What's lost is a seriousness about a future of stability and love. I believe we have the love part, but unfortunately love is not enough. And it breaks my heart to say that. Because I do love you- with all my heart. But I have to look out for myself and address all the things that have been tugging on me for sometime. EFTA00531172