EFTA01152812.pdf

In some countries. teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Studing is a very important part of developing interests and careen of teenagers. Working in the same time can be for a young students a great class too. Nay.:tys most ef-the students devide their university obligations with part time jobs. Commented [II: Try to be very clear and strong with your opinion: "I feel that is a good idea" (show that you are answering EXACTLY what the question asks). JJM 2014-01-27 06:45:00 Studies gives students basics knowledge and .: II idea .:}' r.:t how their future job will look tike. Taking a job Commented 121: while stuch lig is a great opportunity to use their knowledge in practise 1', .. . ' and identify students The first sentence in your body paragraph should needs. Accept that fact i . young people have the chance to expiemce and deal with be a REASON to support your opinion that difficult problems related to the job. However, some of them arc in need of money to cover their living "having a job is a good idea while being a expenses In thiese cases usually students would apply for any small job. which is not necessarh• related to their future profession. students....but your sentence is focusing on studying. I think your SECOND sentence is a better choice for starting this paragraph. JJM 2014-01-27 06:45:00 Commented 131: Be careful! This is moving away from your original topic. All sentences in this paragraph Another reason why working during studies might be a good idea is to become an independent people should support your REASON, which is at the who rely at-first on themself, which can help to understand the consequences of their beginning of your paragraph. actions. Working can team how to behave and com:nunicate with other people to achieve best JJM results. Some of working students live apart from their families and it make. them to learn about how to 2014-01-27 06:47:00 manage their income and think ofpriorities. It's first step to develop the ability to make better decisions in li.£. Commented 141: Be careful with paragraph 4....is your first sentence a clear reason? If not, then rewrite it. (ex. Learning how to hold a job while being a If it comes to terms of jobs and studies for teenagers it's very important to know how to be well student will force that student to become well organized. Working students have to know how to cope with all homework and exercises at school organized. and that is a wonderful trait.) with time and effort at work. It is also perceived by students as a positive action. because job may bring fullfilling and very satisf Mg awamess of being useful) and doing something beneficial for themscl s and other people. However, work has to allow students to study with Look at your last sentence...does it answer any a good grades in the same time. part of the question? Are you supporting your original opinion, or are you now taking a look at a DISADVANTAGE? That is not really part of this topic, so I would stay away from that. To conclude. i think it's impotant for students to learn not only at shool but also at JJM working place. It has lots of bcnefitial aspects like getting ornicrience . also 2014-01-27 10:23:00 EFTA01152812 precious practise how to cooperate, be responsible and well organized. If it happen, I :in earlier age it can form wright ( ) patterns and the advantages of working might be even greater. My suggestions: -This is a good first try, I see a lot of strong ideas here. -I put a space between each paragraph...it makes it easier for your reader. -Do not be afraid of SHORT sentences.....they am very good for making clear points, and for making a nice rhythm in your paragraph. Long sentences are great. too, of course, but try to find a balance. -Personal examples are a good idea sometimes (but not too many!). They can support your reason; they help make your essay mom 'real"; and they am an easy way to fill some space. Keep them short, and make sum they are relevant. -For homework, please rewrite this essay. fixing the problems we talk about, and then send it tome again. When you do this, the best form will become clear in your mind 0 EFTA01152813